Yesterday was Father’s Day.  Ok, this wasn’t news to anyone, but it got me thinking.  I actually saw my dad yesterday which wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t had to take my little brother to Shreveport.

To put it in a nut shell:  my dad sucks.  He’s a terrible father (not the worst but still a long way from wearing a #1 DAD t-shirt) and an even worse husband.  I really don’t know why why my step-mother has stayed with him for so long.  I think I would have ditched him if he weren’t my father.  He’s had some good moments at being a dad, and while they were brief and intermittent, I enjoyed them.  I like my dad when he’s being silly and trying to make me laugh…or I did like it, when I was growing up.  The thing about my dad is that he stopped maturing at about the age of 18 most likely due to the drugs he consumed before then.  Everything he does resembles what an 18 year-old boy would do.  Everything!  Money, relationships, reactions, attitude….everything.  He has no concept of consequences.  He can’t seem to grasp the fact that the actions that he chooses will have consequences and most of the time they effect everyone living under his roof including my 12 year-old brother.

My dad spends money like it grows on trees, and what’s worse is he barely works.  It’s my step-mother who works her ass off to pay the bills (most of which my dad caused).  He expects a hand-out from anyone in the family.  He even asked me where his gift was yesterday, and totally blew off the card that was presented to him.  Truthfully, I didn’t get him a gift because I don’t want to spend money on his no good ass. I guess I could have saved my money that I spent on the card.  It would have also saved me time since it’s hard to find a card that wouldn’t be telling a lie.  He’s not a great father nor anyone I admire so there’s no use in giving a card that says he is.  It would just be a lie, and not even a well told one.

My father has pretty much had a lifelong problem with drugs often cleaning up only to go back eventually; we never know how long eventually will be.  However, lately he’s been off street drugs for quite a while.  But….he’s become dependent on some prescription drugs.  And lately he’s been having a lot of stomach and sleeping issues which I think we all agree are caused by the pills.  He’s not responsible with his consumption of them, and he seems to be taking more trips to the hospital every month.  And to be quite frank, I don’t even care anymore.  I know that sounds super harsh, but I just can’t make myself feel sorry for him.  I can’t pity someone who dug their own hole and still blames everyone else for their problems especially when they keep making the same mistake over and over.  I can’t even stand hearing him talk.  It’s all about him, him, him.  He is blind to the fact that his family is suffering.  He thinks he’s the victim, but he’s also the offender.  I wish he would just grow up already, but that will never happen.

I keep hoping that he’ll get a wake-up call, but he’s already been to jail for drug related crimes.  That sobered him up for quite awhile, but then came eventually…and here we are.  He was in jail when my little brother was born.  What more of a wake-up call can one need?  I very rarely talk with my little brother because I can’t stand to deal with my dad.  When I saw him yesterday he made my skin crawl.  He didn’t notice and kept right on telling me about all of the problems he was having.  I want to argue to his logic, but it’s useless.  He’s hot-tempered and delusional.

I usually stray from writing hurtful things about anyone I know on here, but at worst he might actually read it and learn something.  However, I doubt that he will ever see it, and that’s okay too.  It’s just meant as a way of venting for me in my space.