What’s it like to be pregnant? Ah, how many times have I wondered this and longed to know. Well, the longing part is over. On our second month of trying, we finally did it. I’m pregnant! This should be of no surprise to anyone. We didn’t exactly keep it a secret…at all. I couldn’t help it. I was so excited to have my dream become a reality that I couldn’t keep it in. I have a lot more that I am keeping in right now regarding being pregnant, but I think my blog would be a good place for me to get it out there. I need the therapy.

So, what’s it like to be pregnant? Well, for about 3 days it was exhilarating. And then after some spotting and cramps, it all turned scary…quick! Being pregnant is exactly how I’ve heard and read it would be. I can’t stop peeing, can’t stay awake, my boobs hurt, etc. But no one ever told me that all of that was the easy part. The hard part is not knowing…anything! Though the spotting was almost nothing it was enough to make me call my doctor’s office. They had me come in to get my progesterone level checked. It was lower than the doctor would like to see at my stage of pregnancy so they prescribed me a pill to boost my progesterone and put me on pelvic rest (nothing strenuous). All of this has just terrified me. What if I lose this baby? It’s hard to think about, and the thought can easily bring me to tears, but it is a real possibility. And since the scare, many, many women have shared their miscarriage stories with me. In some ways this was nice because they all had children, but on the other hand so many women had had a miscarriage which meant the odds are high.

Every waking moment I think about this baby. Is it still there? Is is growing normally? What will the doctor say to us when we finally get to see him on Sept. 7? Will the baby be fine? Will it be just an ovum blight? What is going on in there? I can’t let myself be too excited about becoming a mother because I’m too terrified that it’s not going to happen with this pregnancy. I’ve always been the kind of person to focus on the most negative outcome. It’s probably a coping mechanism that I developed from my childhood. Everyone was always letting me down so I learned to expect the worse. If it goes the way you expect you’ll be somewhat prepared, and if things turn out way better, then you’ll be pleasantly surprised. It’s not the best way, but it’s my way.

In CrossFit the unknown is what we’re training for. And life is definitely full of the unknown. I have to accept the fact that right now, I’m in the dark about whatever is going on inside my body which is difficult for me. In case there is some random reader who doesn’t know me personally, I like being in control. And right now, I have no control over what happens to this baby. Ok, I have some powers, and I take solace in these small things I can control. Things I can control:

• my diet: as of now I have no morning sickness to speak of though it may set in this week according to what I’ve read. I take great pride in knowing that I’ve been feeding the baby only the best in the way of nutrition. Everything is organic. All the meats are natural. I won’t sway on these things. It’s tough especially now because we are traveling this week. But every time I eat a meal that is organic and paleo, I feel like I’m doing something good, and that helps me feel a little better about not being in control. Of course this unwillingness to bend on my rules can be somewhat frustrating for my hubby. 🙂
• my sleep: as of now, I want to sleep…a lot…sometimes most of the day and all night. Some days are better than others, but when I feel a zzzz’s coming on, I don’t try to fight them. I let me body have what it craves. I try to sleep as much as I can with no guilt. This isn’t easy, as I can definitely tell that a lot more falls on Bryan’s shoulders because of this.
• my progesterone pills: I have to take one pill twice a day. Progesterone is huge in pregnancy. It helps make the lining of my uterus able to support the baby. I’ve set my cell alarm to go off every 12 hours. I’m consistent and never miss. Hopefully, this is giving my body the extra help it needs to make a great home for the baby.
• pelvic rest: the doctor didn’t specify how long to stay on pelvic rest, but while on it I’m not supposed to do anything strenuous which means, sadly, that CrossFit is a no-no. I haven’t worked out in over 2 weeks, and that really blows. But this won’t be forever, and I’m hoping to get the clear to go back to at least light exercising after our first doctor’s appointment. I’m not even supposed to lift things over 15 pounds! This is so not my lifestyle. However, taking it easy makes me feel like I’m in control. It’s silly, but it helps. And right now, I’m all for anything that helps my positive outlook and keeps the emotional breakdowns at bay.
• chemicals: even before finding out that I was pregnant, I was looking into trying to stop using so many chemicals on my body. I tried to go shampoo-less, but after 4 weeks, I broke down and washed my hair. Now I wash it about once a week. It’s not a complete removal, but the usage is less. I want to buy some more natural shampoo too to further this. I have stopped using deodorant for now. If I go back to exercising, I may have to wear some. Basically, I’m trying to keep unnecessary things off my body. I like to think the body can do it’s on thing, and regardless of being pregnant, I’d like to experiment with this.

The internet with all the websites and forums has been an amazing source for me to find out more about the changes that are taking place as well as things I should do and things that I should avoid like raw meat. 🙁 I even got an app on my phone that allows me to track the progress of the baby. However, the Internet especially the forums have been a little bittersweet. It’s awesome to see that other women are terrified. I like knowing that nothing that I’m feeling or even experiencing hasn’t been experienced before. But reading some of the stories makes me even more on edge. So I’ve stopped looking for the time being.

One more thing being newly pregnant has made me is…jealous. I’ve always been a little jealous of anyone with kids because I’ve always wanted them so badly, but now I’m jealous of anyone who’s more pregnant than me. Why? Because there pregnancy is more established and less likely for miscarriage. I’ll probably be able to relax a little once we hit week 13 (most miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks). I’m 6 weeks, 2 days today…about halfway there.

I hope that our doctor’s appointment gives me the confidence boost I so desperately need right now. I’m going crazy inside of my own head with up and down moments, and the hormones aren’t helping. I’ll keep you posted on what we learn at the doctors, but for now, I’ll just keep writing about how I feel. I hope I can do this everyday or at least every few days.