I’m saying good-bye to Philadelphia tomorrow. I’m pretty sad to leave Granny and the beautiful country side, but I’ll be back in late July to attend the Neshoba County Fair. I’ll see my family again then. I didn’t sqeeze everyone in, but I really, really enjoyed the moments with those I did get to spend time with. I can’t wait to post the videos I took of my too cute second cousin.

I spent several hours with the great aunt that I’m very close to (mentioned in the last post) which was very nice indeed. Her daughter is a vet so they always have a gazillion pets. I always anticipate what new and poor creature she’s recently taken in. This time it was a young racoon. However I missed seeing it because she took it to work with her everyday. Boooo! However, I did get to play with their 6 horses, and that was quite the treat. I didn’t ride any…only petting for me.

I had a great idea today which was to bring my little brother Kade back to Austin with us so he can visit us and the city. He’s never been to see me in Austin so I’m looking forward to showing him the house and spending some quality time with him. He’s growing like a weed. Everytime I see him, I can’t help but be shocked by how much he’s grown and changed. He’ll be all grown up in no time. He’ll be an offical teenager next month! I don’t know what it’s going to be like to have an almost teenager in the house…hehe. I’m open to suggestions of some things that I could show him in our awesome city. And you’ll most likely see him at the Kung Fu school with us. How I have missed that place! We’ll meet my parents in Louisana next Sunday in order to get Kade back home. The dumb buses won’t let any kid traveling alone travel more than 5 hours. Oh well.

I’m picking Bryan up at the Jackson airport tomorrow. I can’t wait to see him and hold him. I hope it’s awhile before we have to be apart again. I find it hard to be without by best friend for that long. Jackson, Mississippi bound tomorrow and Austin, Texas bound on Sunday! I can’t wait to be home with my man and my kitties…and Kade. 😀 And I can’t wait to see all of our friends and go to martial arts again.

I went shopping with my Granny today -nothing fancy. We just went to some local stores. I was mainly looking for some much needed summer sandals. I ended up with that plus some other things including a new toaster oven to replace ours that died. Thankfully my Granny treated me to everything but the toaster oven. I’m super thankful that she did this for me because shoes weren’t in the budget this month. 🙂

Before we left Granny asked me if I wanted to go visit her sister (my great aunt) in the nursing home. Granny had baked a cake and thought she might like a piece. My great aunt has Alziehmers (total stab at the spelling of that – I’m blogging from my phone). I wasn’t really wanting to go just because you never know how she’s going to be from day to day. I hadn’t even seen her since she was diagnosed. Granny has 5 sisters, and I’m only really close to one of them which is thankfully not the one in the nursing home though she was recently diagnosed with the same condition. She is still doing great and hopefully will not experience the quick deteriation that her sister has.

While I’m not close to the great aunt that is in the nursing home, I do feel a connection with her. She is family, and she even watched me some when I was younger. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t what I saw. I know I was hoping for a better day, and maybe it was for her though I don’t think so. She clearly didn’t know who either of us were. You could see the gears turning, but we were strangers. Granny gave her the cake and continued to talk to her, but she remained so vacant and blank. I don’t know why, but I broke down. It was the worst thing I’d seen in a long time, and I just couldn’t be there. I know there were lots of things going on inside of my head. First was that this could be Granny some day. I don’t want the lady that raised me to not recognize me one day nor do I look forward to my other great aunt reaching this point. I also didn’t know how much she had grown to look like her mother, my great grandmother who I was very close to until she died when I was in 3rd grade.

I was ashamed for not being stronger, but it simply took me by surprise to be confronted with the truth that they are all getting old and time is running out. I’m scared that Granny may not go as gracefully as we all hope, and that she could go sooner than any of us want. I also know that I probably won’t be there when she goes due to living so far away, and this makes me feel guilty…really guilty. I treasure the times like we had today, but I want many, many more. She’s surrounded by many family members here when the time comes, but I still feel bad for being so out of range. I do think about her aging a lot, but I instantly put it away as quickly as it comes. Today was a harsh meeting with the reality of life.

Sorry for the depressing read. Go hug someone you love. I miss Bryan, and can’t wait to hold him on Saturday.

I arrived in Jackson on Monday after 9 hours of driving. I stayed with my grandparents for the night and drove on to Philadelphia today. I’ll be stating here with my other grandparents until Saturday when I’ll go back to Jackson. Saturday is also when Bryan flies in. 🙂

I’m having a great time do far. It feels so good to see my family and spend quality time with them. I have missed them and home a lot. I met up with an old coworker for dinner tonight at the casino. That was awesome. Hopefully I’ll get to see a few more friends while i’m here.

It’s hard to stick with the paleo diet when my Granny is cooking so much awesome food…sigh. But cheat day is Friday. Granny already made a cake which I plan to get sick eating. 😀

The pictures are some shots that I took of my grandparent’s place which is where I grew up. Beautiful, right?

I’m up; it’s not even 6 AM yet.  I’m leaving for Mississippi today.  Ah, it feel so good to be headed home for the week.  I can’t wait to see all of my family.  I decided to do this trip a little different from all of the previous ones.  Instead of driving the 10.5 hours straight to my hometown of Philadelphia, I’m stopping in Jackson, Mississippi…well, Florence to be exact…and staying tonight at my grandparents’ house.  This will cut my driving time down to 8.5 hours.  I’ll drive on to Philadelphia and my other granny’s house on Tuesday.  I’ll be there till Saturday when I’ll drive back to Jackson to pick up Bryan at the airport.  We’ll spend the night in Jackson and head back to Austin on Sunday.  I can’t believe I managed to not have to do the whole drive in one sitting this time.  Breaking it down makes it a lot better.  I also can’t believe I managed to get Bryan to fly to Jackson and drive back with me.  I didn’t even have to twist his arm.  He is one of a kind, and I love him!  🙂

I don’t know how much blogging I’ll be able to do there.  I’ll really only have my phone for the most part, and I’ll be staying in rural Mississippi for the most part so service will be iffy.  I’ll do my best.

Recent Pictures of the Cats:

Mallos sleeping on the couch.

Closer...so sweet.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about jobs.  I need one.  Well, I sorta have one, or at least I’ll have one as soon as school is back in session.  I’m not so worried about not having a job all summer, though it doesn’t make me feel awesome.  I’m studying for more teaching certification tests so I will try to spend my unemployed time wisely.  I’m very worried, however, about getting a job when school does start.  I’m signed up to sub again for the Austin ISD, but c’mon…that’s not what I want to do.  I want to teach not just fill in for the teacher.  Subbing isn’t all bad, but it’s not as rewarding as the real thing.  Plus, it’s exhausting.  You have to worry about landing a gig every day, and you never know where you’ll be each day.

I’m very nervous that I won’t be teaching this year, and I’m also very nervous that I will.  I really, really want to land a job, but this is a big career change for me.  I didn’t go to school for this.  And while I do feel like that I can totally do this and do it well, doing it for the first time is scary!  The good thing is that where ever I land a job, the place I got my alternative certification is going to make sure that I have a mentor for my first year…whew.  At least I’ll have someone to help me out and point me in the right direction.  Mostly, I’m just scared that no one will even glance at my way for what ever openings there are.  I have very, very few professional connections, and very little knowledge about how to get my foot in the door.  I’ve been working on the daunting applications for the 3 closest school districts which are all online.  Being all online makes me feel like a no one.  How do I know if anyone will even look at my stuff or call me in for an interview.  I have a few people I know who teach.  I should definitely email them for advice on what to do outside of complete these applications.  Surely there is something more proactive I can do to help my self out.  I feel so useless right now.

I’m studying for the Generalist 4-8 exam.  I would like to take it in late July, maybe earlier.  I would love to get the ESL test out of the way before school starts too.  Passing the ESL would actually be my best bet toward landing a job, but it’s also the least of the content that I want to teach.  However, as bad as I feel like it would be, I’m willing to put in a year just to get started.  I just need to get my foot in the door.  I so don’t want to sub next year…sigh.  To be totally honest…if I can’t get a job teaching next year, I will feel like I failed somehow.  Sometimes I wonder what possessed me to go on this crazy career changing path, but then I remember that if I didn’t do something, I was going to be working admin jobs for the rest of my life.  And since I didn’t go to business school, I really wasn’t going to be advancing too much no matter which company I worked for.  I want to enjoy going to work, and I would definitely like to make a difference in the world.  And while most people think that teachers don’t get paid enough (which is so totally true), in Texas, I will make more than I’ve ever made in one of my admin jobs.

Yay!  I received my red belt last night at the belt ceremony.  I was super happy to rank up but sad that Bryan was missing the ceremony.  That’s the first one he missed.  Luckily, some people there were nice enough to take pictures for me and email them so that I could remember the moment.  :)  Ok, so it’s not the best moment of my life, but still, I want it captured nonetheless.

Here are the pictures:

new belt

tie it on

oh yeah!

smiling

look this way

red belt

I still can’t believe how far I’ve come since starting TKD.  And I really can’t believe how close that black belt is.  So, I’m a red belt now, and next I’ll test for senior red.  Assuming I pass that test, the next test would be for my black belt!  I’m 2 testings away from black!!!  Wow!  Of course this was my last testing without breaking boards.  From now on I have to do my form, sparring, and break 2 boards (one with a foot technique and one with a hand technique) to pass.  Failing to break even one board means a no change, and that would really suck.  However, I have broken boards in the past so I’m not too, too scared…only a little scared.  :)  Everyone gets 3 chances to break.  We use rebreakable boards so you have to be dead on.  I would prefer real wood, but I also wouldn’t want to clean all that up.  I completely understand how much easier it is to use the rebreakable kind.  I should start practicing now.

Bryan comes home today.  If everything goes smoothly with his flights, he should be home around 8 PM.  Thank goodness!  I spent last night tossing and turning and doing very little sleep.

Monday I’m going to Mississippi!!!!  I can’t wait! 😀

Bryan is still in Tampa…till Friday night.  I’ll be picking him up at the airport around 8 PM.

I hate being here alone.  I know we have 4 cats so I shouldn’t feel so alone, but I do.  The nights are hard.  The bed seems so big when I have to sleep in there alone.  I don’t even know what to do with all of the space.  I wish all 4 cats would come keep me company throughout the night, but alas, the most I get at any one time is 2 (3 on a good night).  I also hate eating alone and going to Kung Fu alone.  It just seems so weird to be at Shaolin-Do without Bryan.  If it weren’t for Bryan, I would never even knew the place existed.  Plus, I think people find it odd to see me alone without him.  We do stay joined at the hip…like Velcro as his Nanny said today.  :)  I’m okay with this though.  He’s my best friend.  I can never get enough of him.  I thought that when I started staying at home all the time that eventually we’d get on each others nerves, but so far, that’s not the case.  Thank goodness…can you imagine being stuck in a house with someone whose driving you crazy??  Most of you probably can.  🙂

I always dread it when I know he’s leaving, but then I have all these ideas of things I’m going to do around the house and with art…lots of projects.  However, when he’s gone I end up being quite the couch potato.  It just proves what I already know…he’s my inspiration.  :)  I need him.  If it’s not to cheesy to say – he completes me or at least compliments me.  He definitely brings out the best in me.  Without even trying, he pushes me.  Sometimes I get inspired just by watching him do what he does.  I always have the best kung fu classes after I watch him during his.  He never half asses anything.

I look forward to Bryan being home for the weekend, and while I’m sad that we’ll be away from each other next week as well, I’m happy to not have to spend it missing him in the house surrounded by everything that he owns.  :)  That makes it difficult to distract oneself.  I can’t tell you how happy I am to go to Mississippi next week.  I dread the drive, but other than that, the trip will be fantastic.  And I can’t thank Bryan enough for agreeing to fly into Jackson and drive home with me.  He’s definitely a keeper.  I even get a cheat day while im in Mississippi; I can’t wait!!!  I will definitely be drinking sweet tea in crazy quantities on this day.  I’ll also try to stuff as much of my Granny’s cooking as my stomach can bear.  It’ll be a good trip, and it will be good to come home.  We have many more trips planned for the summer so this is just the kickoff.  🙂

It’s not my usual style to be a ranting blogger.  Yes, I’ve done it in the past, but I typically like to keep to the style of just letting you know what I’m up to.  However, after reading some of my friends blogs which delve a little deeper than mine, I thought I could try to use this space to rant, talk, and just let everyone in on me a little more.  I’m brave!  🙂

Well, this blog isn’t really about me so much, but it’s on my mind.  I was talking with Bryan tonight about a little of this and that, and we got on the topic of power trips.  This might be one of the most annoying things to experience especially when it’s someone you normally like.  I don’t understand what people get out of it.  Can someone fill me in?  Can you really feel better about yourself if you’re tearing others down????  It’s sad and pathetic.  It’s annoying when it’s just some random stranger you meet, but it’s beyond annoying when it’s someone you know especially if you have to deal with them on a regular basis.

Perhaps they aren’t even aware of their behavior/actions.  Or perhaps they are all too aware.  Whatever the case, I hope that they change their ways soon.  It’s the quickest way to lose respect and friends.  Power trip if you must, but be careful you don’t actually fall flat on your face.   Done, see…it was short and painless.  Ranting doesn’t have to be so bad.

I just reread what I had written.  I might need to stick to writing about what I do on a daily basis.  :)  Well, it is late, and I am tired – both effect my writing/thinking skills.  I’ll leave you on a happy note with a silly video of the cats:

weird cats!

I am such a bad blogger.  I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since I found out the results of my test (weeks ago!).  I wish I can say life was too busy, but alas, that isn’t why I haven’t been blogging.  I haven’t been blogging because I don’t really like this computer.  I feel uninspired when sitting at this computer desk I despise on a very uncomfortable chair not even meant to be used for this purpose…sigh.  There’s no way I can fill you in on everything that’s gone on since I last posted, but I’ll fill in the big spots and post all the pictures and videos taken since.  Then I vow, once again, to be a responsible blogger.  :)  Everyone deserves a 4th chance.

Martial Arts:

I tested for my red belt in TKD this past Saturday.  I thought the testing went really well.  I’m finally learning not to be so nervous.  I even brought my own audience (Bryan, his mother and grandparents, and Jason).  I still don’t officially know if I passed yet, but I would assume so.  Therefore, I should be getting my new belt at the ceremony on Thursday.

I also tested for my blue sash in Tai Chi last night.  I messed up a few times.  I even had to start the sword form over.  This has never happened to me before, and I’m not quite sure how I feel about it or even what happened out there.  Oh well, I don’t want to dwell on it.

Pictures from TKD testing:

warming up

warming up 2

Videos from TKD testing:

form

sparring 1

sparring 2

Recent Cat Stuff:

Pictures:

bella

bella 2

bella 3

bella 4

bella 5

sweet pea

sweet pea 2

study buddies

Mallos sleeps like a human!

Video:

sweet pea in harness

Social Life/Out and About:

*Holly’s Superhero Themed Birthday Party

Holly’s Superhero Themed Birthday Party Album

Holly’s Superhero Themed Birthday Party Videos:

Italian Spiderman

gummy bears

scott

*Dumb Carnival at Lakeline Mall

Pictures:

bryan

me

us

*Memorial Day at Krause Springs

Pictures:

rocks

the water

bryan

snake

snake 2

snake 3

snake 4

snake 5

snake 6

man and snake

bryan’s back

above view

the pool

butterfly gardens

butterfly gardens 2

bryan/fountain

butterfly gardens 3

fountain

statue

flowers!

pink flowers

bryan posing

Other:

Bryan is currently in Tampa on business.  He’ll be back on Friday, and he’ll leave again on Sunday for more business in NYC.  I miss him terribly.  I’m taking advantage of him being gone next week to drive to Mississippi and be with my family.  I’ve been missing them like crazy.  I’m very thankful for this opportunity to go home.  Bryan is going to fly into Jackson, MS instead of Austin just so he can ride back home with me.  Now, that is love, and love him I do! 🙂

Songs I’m digging at the moment:

I Run to You – Lady Antebellum

I passed my generalist EC-4 TExES test!  I almost can’t believe it.  The results came in earlier today – quicker than I was expecting.  My heart started pounding extremely hard as soon as the email popped up in my inbox.  I was terrified that maybe I did fail, even though I felt somewhat confident when I left the testing center.  I made a 283 out of 300.  It’s not a perfect score, but I’m really okay with that.  There were some questions, like social studies and science, that were just know it facts that well, I did not know.  I’m happy that out of the 10 questions that I missed they were spread out among the 5 domains.  It would really suck to miss all 10 from one domain.  I’ve been beaming from ear to ear since I got the results…well, I was beaming till I did the WOD.  Now I’m just exhausted and shaky, but I’m beaming on the inside.

Now that I’ve passed I have got to find a job before school starts next year.  This scares me too.  If anyone – anyone – has any leads, knowledge, or connections that might help me then please, please speak up.  I hope to take the generalist 4-8 by mid to late summer which would open up even more possibilities for me.

I started exercising again on Friday when I found myself with no more studying to do.  I would like to do the WOD on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  I think along with Kung Fu, Tai Chi, and TKD classes (many of those have conditioning components), I should start to see some toning taking place which would greatly compliment the weight I’ve lost on the paleo diet.  :)  Yay for health!  I love doing the WOD in the garage.  I’m pushing myself (though not as hard as someone else would this is for sure), and I love the fact that no one can see me.  No one knows what adjustments I have to make or how many breaks I give into when my body screams.  I know I’d see better results in a class, but for now this is where I need to be.  I hope to work up to feeling comfortable to return to Ryon’s Friday conditioning class.  For now, though, I don’t want to feel pressured to beat a clock or other people in the class.  It’s all internal and dumb, but the feeling is still there nonetheless.

I hope all the mother’s had a great Mother’s Day.  Bryan and I went to dinner with his grandparents.  It was Nanny’s choice – Red Lobster – which is fine by me because I can eat fish any day!   I do find that while it’s definitely not impossible to stick to Paleo that it is a challenge when eating out.  I know that my food can’t be perfectly paleo even when I think I’ve done so.  I know this because last night I had a sugar low.  There must have been something in a sauce or marinade on the fish that I had even though the menu suggested none of this would be on there.  Thanks chef!